Because I'm sure most of you are in better standing with God than I am :) Would you mind saying a quick prayer that these antibiotics kick in within the next 18 hours or so so that I don't have to go to hospital? It's only a minor procedure I'm facing and I'm not in any real danger healthwise, but it could be a physical and financial inconvenience I really don't need right at this moment.

Thanks! In return, I give you a right-wing kitty:


(yes, she dragged those books off the shelf herself)

So, this lining on the floor in my front hallway was coming loose, and I bought this super strong glue to hold it down. And it takes like 24 hours for the glue to take hold properly, so I found a bunch of heavy things in the house (chair, carton of beer, a big ax from the shed, etc) and rested them on top of the bits of floor I'd glued down and left them there.

About two hours later, my brother comes home, dodges his way past chair and beer and ax and goes to the kitchen.

Me: I was gluing the floor.

Him: What?

Me: The floor. That's why there's all this stuff everywhere.

Him: Oh. I didn't notice.

Me: You didn't wonder why there was a giant ax resting against the wall in the front hallway?

Him: I figured you were mad at the cat.

You might be asking, why is she taking photos rather than stopping the cat? Well, by the time I found Jihad the poster was already done for, but I yelled at her anyway. She slunk off, immediately turned around, and went back to eating the poster.

This happened about six times.

Since before I can remember, there has been something missing in my life. I have tried to fill this hole with friends, family, love, religion, and masked crimefighting, but now I know what was really missing. It was Blingee.com.

Blingee.com, aka the pinnacle of the Internet, allowed me to make images like this :



( more... )

I love you, Blingee.com. I love you.

Jihad, my retarded kitten, is now nine months old. She is mostly an indoor cat. She got her name from being so mentally defective that she at times seems to be actively trying to commit suicide.


Occasionally lately I've been letting her wander in and out while I keep a vague eye on her. This is what was happening the other day, when I heard a noise in the yard and went outside to investigate.

Once I got there I heard that horrible cat-fighting noise and immediately freaked out. The cat in question was behind the shed, so I screamed in its general direction. After freaking out for a few seconds, I found Jihad hiding halfway across the yard behind me. She wasn't hurt, but she was so scared she'd messed herself. Now, she is a FLUFFY FLUFFY CAT. So I had to clean her off with a hose, which cost me about half the skin on my hands, and then lock her in the laundry. Poor kitty. And I felt awful, because I've never had a kitty before and I didn't figure that you had to worry about them while they're five meters away from you and it's still daylight.

Anyway, I was disappointed because I didn't get a look at the attacker cat. (But also a little amused at what the neighbors must have thought about someone screaming obscenities in the yard and then yelling 'Jihad' a few times)

So. Last night, we're eating dinner outside, it's dusk, and I see the silhouette of a big cat approaching on the rooftop next door. He's obviously looking for another chance at Jihad, who is playing under the table. And he sees me watching him, but being a cat, figures he can outsmart me by just kind of ducking back and approach from another angle. He does this for a while, and I keep still, until he's right next to the fence about to pounce into the yard. At which point I jump up and point the hose on him.

He runs away, and I yelled something like "THAT'S RIGHT CAT, IF YOU EVER COME NEAR MY YARD AGAIN I'LL SHOOT YOU". Which probably wasn't a good idea, because now if the cat goes missing the neighbors will know who to suspect. But the more important thing is that I got a look at him. The bastard cat that tried to have his way with a RETARDED KITTEN.

So, fucking attempted-rapist child molester cat, you are going on MY LIST.

Be warned, asshole.

I got you a kitten!



Happy Valentine's Day/Friday the 13th as well, depending on where you are in the world!

The way november has been going so far, I am seriously impressed that I have not yet resorted to barricading myself in my bedroom with some rations and crying piteously, possibly while clutching an adorable kitten.

So, here are some women:






( PLUS, a kitten watching supernatural: )

Hi, people that have friended me recently! I am not usually this absent from the internet. It's just that recently, I've been taking some time off for other things. Things like...

KITTENS.



( Well, one kitten. ) Me and my sister drove out into country today to get her, which was interesting, because apparently there are places in the world that look even more serial killer-y than Adelaide. Seriously, the whole trip was exactly like the start of one of those redneck horror movies. I feel bad saying this, because the people did end up selling us a kitten at a fair price and everything, so I won't go into details. But I'm just saying, it's lucky we didn't bring our boyfriends with us, because inevitably they both would have died gruesomely before we got back to the car. And then one of us would have had to die.

Luckily, my sister's better looking than me. Usually the the slightly plainer female gets to be the final girl, that's all I'm saying.

Anyway, I am trying to think of names. I'm tossing up between:

- Something really obscure and pretentious, possibly involving Scandinavian mythology or Tolkien villians

- Something from Battlestar Galactica, or

- 'Princess Sparkles'


Any suggestions?